Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
