Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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