Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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