at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
