Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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