and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
