Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
