Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
