Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
