With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
