It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
