Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
