remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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