Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Congratulations! We have a period
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
