CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize