Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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