How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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