Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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