The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
