Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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