seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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