Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
