Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize