My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
