Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
