she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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