When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
