some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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