Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
