Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
