Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
