New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
