Apparently you make a good broom.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
