Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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