hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
