all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
