Umm I'm too high to move.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
