You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize