4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
