Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
