I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
