Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
