doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
