i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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