i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
