Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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