Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
