I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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