when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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