I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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