my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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