If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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