Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
