Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
