Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
