Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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