On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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