lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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