take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
