thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
