The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
