batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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