Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize