I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
