wakey wakey hands off snakey
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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